so this is how my first day of 2012? this is how my story goes on the first page of 366 in chapter 2012? this? damn. i'm done crying and throwing stuffs in my room. thanks to me, i redecorated my room into a store room. my bed is ugggh full of plastic bags and stuffs. i cant see my room's floor. clothes everywhere. tomorrow will be in Jeli for the first time in 2012 to register as a MRSM student, but looking at the situation now, i think someone will sleep above 3AM tonight. packing is 10 percent done. another 90 is going to hell. i hate going to the school. i hate it. so much drama with the teachers and its just  ugggh!

tears start pouring in again. damn eyes. damn! frankly, i don't want to take it seriously but the words, your words, seem to left deep marks on me. maybe its because you're the most precious things in my life - YOU ARE - or maybe because i was just woke up from my short nap and my noses are full of smokes and shit, thats sure makes me feel like wanna punch someone right there on the face. but my hearts hurts. it hurts so much that my eyes are suddenly burst into tears so much.

and there it goes. my first hurt aches in 2012 is cause by my own mother. my beloved mother.

but i believe this will stand just for a short moment. you know, SHE'S MY MOTHER. sometime her words may slightly hurt me but after all she's the one who endures the 57 del (unit) of pain on 17 September 1995 - for me. she's the one who raise me. she's the one who teach me how to talk, how to walk. she's the strongest supporter in my whole damn life. she's the one i'll love forever. eventho she hurt me sometimes, i still will love her with all my heart. and plus, it is my mistake. i don't blame her. i put the blame on myself  *play Akon's songs - You Can Put The Blame On Me*

now i think the hurt is gone. see? told ya it'll last just a moment. and now i kinda feel grateful because my first tears on 2012 is not cause by any stupid boys who came to ruin my life. i'm grateful for that.

UMI, I LOVE YOU MORE THAN I LOVE MYSELF. THE MOST PRECIOUS THING IN MY LIFE IS YOU. AND IT WILL BE FOREVER YOU.