Salamalaykum hi. I've been a little depressed lately. A little tiny bit, tak sampai tahap terfikir nak bunuh diri bagai apa lagi. I post this not to spill the reasons why the depression occur but to make things clear. Yknow, I tweeted a few hints about my problems before, cursed a few hehe cant helped it. But anyway I saw this best friend of mine Kaiyisah trying to help me by asking what's my problem. She also ask me to spill to her as I tweet "I want to spill my problems to a stranger". I refused to.

Okay its not that I didn't believe her. I know Kaiyisah is a great friend and she will always be. But I don't want people to know my problems. The things that happening inside me. I prefer to keep it by myself. Its hurt so much, keeping all of this by myself but I rather being hurt like this than spilling to friends, then one day  they'll use it as a weapon to me. Who knows what might happen days ahead? Kita hanya mampu merancang, Allah SWT yang menentukan. I'm afraid they'll judge and mock me by my nasty lame problems.

I experienced this before, a couple times actually. I felt like my trust just bammm, vanished like that easily. That is why I decided to build my walls higher than I ever had before and promised to myself not to spill easily, not even a boyfriend, no. I love my friends, they were my long lost sisters but yeah, sometimes a friend can be a bitch without us even knowing. Sorry. Maybe next time.